"The Grass is not in fact always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered." – Robert Fulghun As children, there was always a new doll, toy, or gadget we'd get excited about and would beg our parents for and most likely, they would end up buying it. After a few months we were over it, we wanted something new, because the old Barbie couldn't talk like the new one and the new Nintendo has more levels than the old one. That old desire is now yesterday's old news. As we mature, that desire for the new toy has now turned into a desire for a new car, job, place, or mate. Sometimes these new desires satisfy our expectations and other times, they just end up as a temporary trade, but where is the distinction between recognizing the true value in something and having unrealistic expectations? Is the grass
ALWAYS greener?
How many times have you ever wished that your girlfriend looked more like Beyonce? Or that your man had a bank account like Bill Gates? Or that he would spend more time helping around the house instead of staying glued to his X-Box? Or that she would finally have the house clean and dinner cooked when you came home from work? Those might not be an exact scenario, but we've all been there before, a time or two. Some individuals are able to take the good with the bad, some leave to find exactly what they want, while the rest, no matter what the circumstances, are never satisfied. Those who are never satisfied, suffer from what is called G.I.G.S, a.k.a. Green Is Greener Syndrome. These people can practically have the world in the palm of their hands, but will always feel like it's not adequate, as they always want something more. For them, a relationship is the equivalent to a market. Their current mate will start off as a hot commodity, but will eventually end up as a useless good after a few uses. It's almost like a never ending story, but what these individuals fail to realize is that the grass is not always greener. This reminds me of a couple I know, who were college sweethearts. I'll call her "Stepford Wife" or "SW" and him "Question mark" or "QM".
The two met in their junior year in college and instantly clicked. Not romantically, but as good friends and soon the good friends evolved into lovers. Stepford Wife embodied that southern hospitality that Question Mark loved; she was always charming, encouraging, and soft-hearted. SW somehow fell for the comical yet sensitive school-star athlete. They were the perfect couple. Her friends thought he was the coolest, and his thought she was the greatest. SW had heard his stories of his past loves and how each of them left him broken hearted. She vowed she wouldn't do the same, after all, being malicious and indecent were not in her character. SW was every woman to him – she was his cheerleader, the loudest person cheering him on at his games, his tutor, always helping him with assignments and projects, his therapist, always giving an ear to whatever issue was at bay, his career adviser, helping him with his resumes and getting jobs, and his lover. QM loved all those qualities about her, but something was missing. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but soon there was trouble in paradise. QM was confused on whether or not SW was the girl for him, so instead of communicating this with SW or taking a space break, he did what he thought was best, at least for him. He stayed with Stepford Wife because he knew she was a good girl, but dibbled and dabbled into everything else. SW began to get approached with the rumors of his fooling around, but like any southern belle, she never let people see her sweat, she always kept her cool. Of course QM was addressed about it, but he always brushed it off. The rumors of his infidelities weren't the only problem though; QM began to slack off in the romancing department. There was rarely no reciprocation on his behalf. With the uncertainty and all the attention he was receiving, he began to take SW for granted. So SW left him and of course, he came back crawling back, pleading to her about how sorry he was and promising he would never take her for granted again. He didn't hold true to his promise so they went on, hot, and cold for sometime. She left and came back so many times, that he didn't pay her any mind each time she said she was leaving. He knew what he had to do to get her back and it worked each time, that is, until the last time. It was another fiasco involving Question Mark and by this time, Stepford Wife had had enough. It had become apparent to her, why his ex girlfriends left him…nothing on their part, it was all him. No more threats and no more warnings. SW gave him few words and left, this time indefinitely. He called, emailed, popped up at her house and job, and even called her friends, but SW wanted absolutely nothing to do with him anymore. QM realized that he had really screwed up this time. Out of all the flings or relationships he had had, he knew she was the true one and there was nothing he could at that point to make right of wrong.
QM was constantly looking for something he thought would be better and in turn make him happy. Had he appreciated what he had within his grasp, who knows? He and SW might still be together, but like the saying goes, “You don't know what you got ‘til it's gone.” So he didn't realize her worth until she wasn't there. No person or relationship is perfect. Everyone has their flaws and there will always be dismay from time to time, but what matters is that each individual has realistic expectations for one another and are able to look past each other’s shortcomings and focus on their positive aspects. Most importantly, a person should be honest with themselves; it might not be the other person. Maybe you're just not ready for a serious relationship.
Either way, you can either keep on looking at the other yards or take care of your own and have the best lawn on the block.
